Abaikan judul. Gw emang bingung mau ngasih judul apa.
Kemaren itu beneran...I had some sort of a swell of strange feeling...Padahal kan perayaan meninggalnya kakak gw kan bulan depan, bukan bulan ini. Kemarin juga gw hampir nangis.
Dan sumpah kemaren, beneran gw bener-bener ditopang bukan sama Reis, tapi sama temen - ralat, kakak kedua gw selain Nii san. *maaf Rin, bukan gw nggak sudi manggil lu Nii san, tapi nanti gw bisa dibunuh Rion =))*
Kemaren entah kenapa gw labil lagi, emosian gw. Dan anehnya, tiap kali kayak gitu, gw keinget langsung sama kakak gw.
Dan gw heran kenapa si Rinyo bisa ngajak gw chat pas gw lagi labil-labilnya dan buka YM. Yah, jadi intinya, post hari ini panjang karena....
Gw copas itu percakapan YM =))
Err ini emang gw ngga copas semua, gw copas mulai dari yang serius aja, kyahahaha.
rizukukiryuu: What am I, some sort of toy?!
Rivelino Verse: there you go, you know the answer
rizukukiryuu: You said I'm a toy?
Rivelino Verse: what if I said yes?
rizukukiryuu: Well, I'm not a mere toy, I'm a living being you know.
Rivelino Verse: that's why you're a unique toy for me
rizukukiryuu: And I won't accept you play me around like if a dead toy.
Rivelino Verse: I will play you around like a living toy, of course
Rivelino Verse: dead toy is no fun
rizukukiryuu: You think you can play people around as you wish?
Rivelino Verse: what if I can?
rizukukiryuu: You obviously can't!
rizukukiryuu: What are you, god?
Rivelino Verse: you just don't know
Rivelino Verse: hahahaha I don't need to be god to play people around, dear
rizukukiryuu: I know I don't know everything, but you can't just play people around like they're things
rizukukiryuu: It's just not fair to some people, you know.
Rivelino Verse: not all people
Rivelino Verse: just some of them
Rivelino Verse: the one with potentials of course
rizukukiryuu: Yeah, I think I said some people.
Rivelino Verse: *ohokkokgwberasarpyahohok* *lanjutdah*
Rivelino Verse: of course just some of them *smile*
rizukukiryuu: coretlunapakoktibatibaitumunculcoret
Rivelino Verse: *kagatahukenapaseriushahahahayaudahlanjutajalol*
rizukukiryuu: coretiyasihmendadakjadiseriusginilollanjutajadehcoret
Rivelino Verse: *emanginiseriusyah* *plakplakplak*
rizukukiryuu: It's still not fair...You can't treat people like you can throw them away anytime you want.
Rivelino Verse: the world is never fair you know. well, the world is fair actually. but it won't be a life if it's all just good people inside of it
Rivelino Verse: but well
Rivelino Verse: I'll make an exception for you
Rivelino Verse: cause you're special *smile*
rizukukiryuu: I know the world is never fair, who do you think could actually stab an only four years old girl deep into her heart?
rizukukiryuu: Life will be boring if all of good people is inside it, but actually, why would people do bad things, in the first place?
Rivelino Verse: because the good and the bad will always be there.
Rivelino Verse: depend on the people, if they heart is weak, they would go to the bad
Rivelino Verse: but if they are strong enough, they will be good people who could face reality
rizukukiryuu: I think that returns to the very nature of people....
Rivelino Verse: that is, indeed the nature of people
Rivelino Verse: but they forget about it
rizukukiryuu: What are we really inside, bad or good?
Rivelino Verse: both
Rivelino Verse: we have both of them
Rivelino Verse: and you, choose
Rivelino Verse: you choose the good one or the bad one
Rivelino Verse: cause you could be good people or bad people
rizukukiryuu: Then why would people choose over bad things than good thing?
Rivelino Verse: cause it's easy to do the bad things
Rivelino Verse: and it's good to do the bad things
Rivelino Verse: while it's hard for them to do the good things
rizukukiryuu: It's good to do bad things? I had to agree that it's hard to do good things...But wasn't it because that people choose over to do bad things, to follow their desire?
Rivelino Verse: that's why I told you, it's good to do the bad things, it's easy to the bad things. why? because they want it. it is their desire
rizukukiryuu: If people do bad things because they follow their desire, does this mean...we are bad inside?
Rivelino Verse: listen to me, little lady
Rivelino Verse: we all have good and bad side
Rivelino Verse: it's our choice to do bad or good things
Rivelino Verse: our desire is not all about bad things
Rivelino Verse: my little sister, she desire to help people with her drawing.
Rivelino Verse: is that a bad thing? I think it is not
Rivelino Verse: so it's all depend of us
rizukukiryuu: Still, in reality, people do more bad things than good things...
Rivelino Verse: that's reality
Rivelino Verse: but will you just look on reality?
Rivelino Verse: don't you have your dream?
rizukukiryuu: I have, but the reality is bitter, you know. Sometimes, even I lose my sight of my dreams...
Rivelino Verse: you still a lucky child
Rivelino Verse: out there
Rivelino Verse: there are a lot of people who always have their dream high.
Rivelino Verse: but they could not achieve their dream because of their condition
Rivelino Verse: economical, hunger, political, etc. because of that
Rivelino Verse: you on the other hand, could still eat a good food and have your money from your parents
Rivelino Verse: you still go to school
Rivelino Verse: you still can achieve your dream
Rivelino Verse: don't ever lose sight of it
Rivelino Verse: people with no dream, they're just a living zombie who search for happiness
rizukukiryuu: "Once you lose your sight of your dream, you might as well disappear..."
rizukukiryuu: That's very right. My brother once told me that.
rizukukiryuu: coretbetewegwmandidulucoret
Rivelino Verse: coretsamagwjugapantesbaulosampekesinilolololcoret
rizukukiryuu: coretsialanapaitumaksudlubetewegwudahmandicoret
Rivelino Verse: coretgwjugaudahmanditapigwshalatduluyooocoret
rizukukiryuu: coretsokcepetanbaliklaginantigwjugahabismakancoret
Rivelino Verse: coretsipudahbaliknihguacoret
Rivelino Verse: see? you know it yourself
Rivelino Verse: but you forget those words
rizukukiryuu: Which is more difficult, to lose sight of reality or to lose sight of your dream?
Rivelino Verse: both
Rivelino Verse: once again, it depends on you
Rivelino Verse: if you're into reality you could lose your dream
Rivelino Verse: and if you into your dream you could lose your reality
Rivelino Verse: that's why you have to balance your life
rizukukiryuu: Fluffy dream, and bitter reality...Such a contrasted side, eh?
Rivelino Verse: that's a nature of human
Rivelino Verse: everyone always dream a fluffy dreams
rizukukiryuu: On a side, dream could be a bitter venom...But it could be also a sweet honey...Such ironic...
Rivelino Verse: it is not ironic
Rivelino Verse: well yeah, it may be ironic
Rivelino Verse: but that is one taste of life
rizukukiryuu: On a side, why would reality be so harsh? And when dream comes to support us?
Rivelino Verse: so that we won't fall
Rivelino Verse: so that se could always stand to our feet again
Rivelino Verse: *we
Rivelino Verse: and so that we can learn many things and experience things in life
Rivelino Verse: is it not?
rizukukiryuu: Dream is abstract, somehow well, dazzle us in its spark
rizukukiryuu: But why does it hurt when we lose our dreams?
rizukukiryuu: Why is it difficult when we want to set our dream straight again?
Rivelino Verse: because we dream it. we want it. that's why it feel hurt when we lose our dream.
Rivelino Verse: because you're mind already fall when you lose your dream
Rivelino Verse: cause you already told yourself that you can't, while the truth say that you can still do it
rizukukiryuu: I feel like crying now, strange...
Rivelino Verse: and why you feel like so?
rizukukiryuu: I don't know what, why and even how.
rizukukiryuu: I'm such a strange girl, huh?
Rivelino Verse: it is not. you are not.
Rivelino Verse: you feel like so, cause you want to hold on tight to your dream again
Rivelino Verse: but you feel like you can't hold on your dream again because of reality, while it is not true
Rivelino Verse: and when someone said like this to you, you really want to hold on to it again so you can stand high on your feet
Rivelino Verse: am I wrong?
rizukukiryuu: No...Not at all, but I think I saw my brother in you.
rizukukiryuu: Which make me feel real guilty inside.
Rivelino Verse: your... brother?
rizukukiryuu: Yup. He passed away when I was still 4.
Rivelino Verse: I feel sorry for you then
Rivelino Verse: how so?
rizukukiryuu: Haha, don't need to feel sorry for me, I already used to that.
rizukukiryuu: I vaguely remember it, but a thing that is certain if I didn't bring my parents along with me and leaving my brother behind, this would not happen.
Rivelino Verse: oh... I see
Rivelino Verse: it's not your fault
Rivelino Verse: maybe it is his fate
rizukukiryuu: It somehow feels strange...
Rivelino Verse: hmm?
rizukukiryuu: It's like two things are fighting inside my head
Rivelino Verse: say it
Rivelino Verse: tell me
rizukukiryuu: Someone or something told me for all this time his death is my fault. And I strangely believe into that.
rizukukiryuu: But someone else or something else told me this is not my fault. And I strangely wanted to believe into that one too.
Rivelino Verse: it is not your fault
Rivelino Verse: I believe your brother want you not to blame yourself too
Rivelino Verse: it is his time, probably
Rivelino Verse: and it's not your fault
rizukukiryuu: ...Can I cry now/
rizukukiryuu: *?
Rivelino Verse: no one hold you for crying
Rivelino Verse: just cry
Rivelino Verse: let your tears flow
rizukukiryuu: That's it, I can't take it anymore. I want to cry, I want to yell, I want to tell him that I'm sorry.
Rivelino Verse: let it all out then
Rivelino Verse: let your heart yell
Rivelino Verse: let go your emotions
rizukukiryuu: Stay with me, will you?
Rivelino Verse: of course. I will
Rivelino Verse: *hug you* *smile* just cry
rizukukiryuu: I don't know...My tears just won't flow...Do my eyes run out of tears?
Rivelino Verse: no it is not
Rivelino Verse: you just hold it
Rivelino Verse: you don't have to push yourself now
Rivelino Verse: you already push yourself for a very long time
Rivelino Verse: just let it go
Rivelino Verse: let yourself rest for a minute
rizukukiryuu: Thanks...Not so many people want to stay with me when I want to cry
rizukukiryuu: I think they thought of me of pretty pathetic, eh?
Rivelino Verse: it is not pathetic
Rivelino Verse: it's normal
Rivelino Verse: well maybe I'm with exception here
Rivelino Verse: I don't mind stay here with you
rizukukiryuu: I think they are not ready yet to face the 'real' me...I'm always cheerful outside and laugh even if my heart ached...I think I'm a pretty good liar.
rizukukiryuu: It is good to be a liar? Wait, I know the answer.
Rivelino Verse: everyone has their own secret. and it's not lying when you try to hide you secret
Rivelino Verse: it's your privacy and it's not something bad
rizukukiryuu : But secret is not always good...Right?
Rivelino Verse: it's good
Rivelino Verse: to protect yourself from other people
Rivelino Verse: it's good
Rivelino Verse: cause you're protecting yourself from others
rizukukiryuu: I hold too many secrets. And almost all of that isn't good...Maybe the darkest part of myself. Is it good to keep it/
rizukukiryuu: *?
Rivelino Verse: of course. secret is there to protect you from other people who don't know you
Rivelino Verse: that's why, you have to be careful to other people if you want to tell one of your secrets
rizukukiryuu: I can trust you...Right?
Rivelino Verse: you can. I'm not the one typical who like to tell people secret
Rivelino Verse: there you go, you know the answer
rizukukiryuu: You said I'm a toy?
Rivelino Verse: what if I said yes?
rizukukiryuu: Well, I'm not a mere toy, I'm a living being you know.
Rivelino Verse: that's why you're a unique toy for me
rizukukiryuu: And I won't accept you play me around like if a dead toy.
Rivelino Verse: I will play you around like a living toy, of course
Rivelino Verse: dead toy is no fun
rizukukiryuu: You think you can play people around as you wish?
Rivelino Verse: what if I can?
rizukukiryuu: You obviously can't!
rizukukiryuu: What are you, god?
Rivelino Verse: you just don't know
Rivelino Verse: hahahaha I don't need to be god to play people around, dear
rizukukiryuu: I know I don't know everything, but you can't just play people around like they're things
rizukukiryuu: It's just not fair to some people, you know.
Rivelino Verse: not all people
Rivelino Verse: just some of them
Rivelino Verse: the one with potentials of course
rizukukiryuu: Yeah, I think I said some people.
Rivelino Verse: *ohokkokgwberasarpyahohok* *lanjutdah*
Rivelino Verse: of course just some of them *smile*
rizukukiryuu: coretlunapakoktibatibaitumunculcoret
Rivelino Verse: *kagatahukenapaseriushahahahayaudahlanjutajalol*
rizukukiryuu: coretiyasihmendadakjadiseriusginilollanjutajadehcoret
Rivelino Verse: *emanginiseriusyah* *plakplakplak*
rizukukiryuu: It's still not fair...You can't treat people like you can throw them away anytime you want.
Rivelino Verse: the world is never fair you know. well, the world is fair actually. but it won't be a life if it's all just good people inside of it
Rivelino Verse: but well
Rivelino Verse: I'll make an exception for you
Rivelino Verse: cause you're special *smile*
rizukukiryuu: I know the world is never fair, who do you think could actually stab an only four years old girl deep into her heart?
rizukukiryuu: Life will be boring if all of good people is inside it, but actually, why would people do bad things, in the first place?
Rivelino Verse: because the good and the bad will always be there.
Rivelino Verse: depend on the people, if they heart is weak, they would go to the bad
Rivelino Verse: but if they are strong enough, they will be good people who could face reality
rizukukiryuu: I think that returns to the very nature of people....
Rivelino Verse: that is, indeed the nature of people
Rivelino Verse: but they forget about it
rizukukiryuu: What are we really inside, bad or good?
Rivelino Verse: both
Rivelino Verse: we have both of them
Rivelino Verse: and you, choose
Rivelino Verse: you choose the good one or the bad one
Rivelino Verse: cause you could be good people or bad people
rizukukiryuu: Then why would people choose over bad things than good thing?
Rivelino Verse: cause it's easy to do the bad things
Rivelino Verse: and it's good to do the bad things
Rivelino Verse: while it's hard for them to do the good things
rizukukiryuu: It's good to do bad things? I had to agree that it's hard to do good things...But wasn't it because that people choose over to do bad things, to follow their desire?
Rivelino Verse: that's why I told you, it's good to do the bad things, it's easy to the bad things. why? because they want it. it is their desire
rizukukiryuu: If people do bad things because they follow their desire, does this mean...we are bad inside?
Rivelino Verse: listen to me, little lady
Rivelino Verse: we all have good and bad side
Rivelino Verse: it's our choice to do bad or good things
Rivelino Verse: our desire is not all about bad things
Rivelino Verse: my little sister, she desire to help people with her drawing.
Rivelino Verse: is that a bad thing? I think it is not
Rivelino Verse: so it's all depend of us
rizukukiryuu: Still, in reality, people do more bad things than good things...
Rivelino Verse: that's reality
Rivelino Verse: but will you just look on reality?
Rivelino Verse: don't you have your dream?
rizukukiryuu: I have, but the reality is bitter, you know. Sometimes, even I lose my sight of my dreams...
Rivelino Verse: you still a lucky child
Rivelino Verse: out there
Rivelino Verse: there are a lot of people who always have their dream high.
Rivelino Verse: but they could not achieve their dream because of their condition
Rivelino Verse: economical, hunger, political, etc. because of that
Rivelino Verse: you on the other hand, could still eat a good food and have your money from your parents
Rivelino Verse: you still go to school
Rivelino Verse: you still can achieve your dream
Rivelino Verse: don't ever lose sight of it
Rivelino Verse: people with no dream, they're just a living zombie who search for happiness
rizukukiryuu: "Once you lose your sight of your dream, you might as well disappear..."
rizukukiryuu: That's very right. My brother once told me that.
rizukukiryuu: coretbetewegwmandidulucoret
Rivelino Verse: coretsamagwjugapantesbaulosampekesinilolololcoret
rizukukiryuu: coretsialanapaitumaksudlubetewegwudahmandicoret
Rivelino Verse: coretgwjugaudahmanditapigwshalatduluyooocoret
rizukukiryuu: coretsokcepetanbaliklaginantigwjugahabismakancoret
Rivelino Verse: coretsipudahbaliknihguacoret
Rivelino Verse: see? you know it yourself
Rivelino Verse: but you forget those words
rizukukiryuu: Which is more difficult, to lose sight of reality or to lose sight of your dream?
Rivelino Verse: both
Rivelino Verse: once again, it depends on you
Rivelino Verse: if you're into reality you could lose your dream
Rivelino Verse: and if you into your dream you could lose your reality
Rivelino Verse: that's why you have to balance your life
rizukukiryuu: Fluffy dream, and bitter reality...Such a contrasted side, eh?
Rivelino Verse: that's a nature of human
Rivelino Verse: everyone always dream a fluffy dreams
rizukukiryuu: On a side, dream could be a bitter venom...But it could be also a sweet honey...Such ironic...
Rivelino Verse: it is not ironic
Rivelino Verse: well yeah, it may be ironic
Rivelino Verse: but that is one taste of life
rizukukiryuu: On a side, why would reality be so harsh? And when dream comes to support us?
Rivelino Verse: so that we won't fall
Rivelino Verse: so that se could always stand to our feet again
Rivelino Verse: *we
Rivelino Verse: and so that we can learn many things and experience things in life
Rivelino Verse: is it not?
rizukukiryuu: Dream is abstract, somehow well, dazzle us in its spark
rizukukiryuu: But why does it hurt when we lose our dreams?
rizukukiryuu: Why is it difficult when we want to set our dream straight again?
Rivelino Verse: because we dream it. we want it. that's why it feel hurt when we lose our dream.
Rivelino Verse: because you're mind already fall when you lose your dream
Rivelino Verse: cause you already told yourself that you can't, while the truth say that you can still do it
rizukukiryuu: I feel like crying now, strange...
Rivelino Verse: and why you feel like so?
rizukukiryuu: I don't know what, why and even how.
rizukukiryuu: I'm such a strange girl, huh?
Rivelino Verse: it is not. you are not.
Rivelino Verse: you feel like so, cause you want to hold on tight to your dream again
Rivelino Verse: but you feel like you can't hold on your dream again because of reality, while it is not true
Rivelino Verse: and when someone said like this to you, you really want to hold on to it again so you can stand high on your feet
Rivelino Verse: am I wrong?
rizukukiryuu: No...Not at all, but I think I saw my brother in you.
rizukukiryuu: Which make me feel real guilty inside.
Rivelino Verse: your... brother?
rizukukiryuu: Yup. He passed away when I was still 4.
Rivelino Verse: I feel sorry for you then
Rivelino Verse: how so?
rizukukiryuu: Haha, don't need to feel sorry for me, I already used to that.
rizukukiryuu: I vaguely remember it, but a thing that is certain if I didn't bring my parents along with me and leaving my brother behind, this would not happen.
Rivelino Verse: oh... I see
Rivelino Verse: it's not your fault
Rivelino Verse: maybe it is his fate
rizukukiryuu: It somehow feels strange...
Rivelino Verse: hmm?
rizukukiryuu: It's like two things are fighting inside my head
Rivelino Verse: say it
Rivelino Verse: tell me
rizukukiryuu: Someone or something told me for all this time his death is my fault. And I strangely believe into that.
rizukukiryuu: But someone else or something else told me this is not my fault. And I strangely wanted to believe into that one too.
Rivelino Verse: it is not your fault
Rivelino Verse: I believe your brother want you not to blame yourself too
Rivelino Verse: it is his time, probably
Rivelino Verse: and it's not your fault
rizukukiryuu: ...Can I cry now/
rizukukiryuu: *?
Rivelino Verse: no one hold you for crying
Rivelino Verse: just cry
Rivelino Verse: let your tears flow
rizukukiryuu: That's it, I can't take it anymore. I want to cry, I want to yell, I want to tell him that I'm sorry.
Rivelino Verse: let it all out then
Rivelino Verse: let your heart yell
Rivelino Verse: let go your emotions
rizukukiryuu: Stay with me, will you?
Rivelino Verse: of course. I will
Rivelino Verse: *hug you* *smile* just cry
rizukukiryuu: I don't know...My tears just won't flow...Do my eyes run out of tears?
Rivelino Verse: no it is not
Rivelino Verse: you just hold it
Rivelino Verse: you don't have to push yourself now
Rivelino Verse: you already push yourself for a very long time
Rivelino Verse: just let it go
Rivelino Verse: let yourself rest for a minute
rizukukiryuu: Thanks...Not so many people want to stay with me when I want to cry
rizukukiryuu: I think they thought of me of pretty pathetic, eh?
Rivelino Verse: it is not pathetic
Rivelino Verse: it's normal
Rivelino Verse: well maybe I'm with exception here
Rivelino Verse: I don't mind stay here with you
rizukukiryuu: I think they are not ready yet to face the 'real' me...I'm always cheerful outside and laugh even if my heart ached...I think I'm a pretty good liar.
rizukukiryuu: It is good to be a liar? Wait, I know the answer.
Rivelino Verse: everyone has their own secret. and it's not lying when you try to hide you secret
Rivelino Verse: it's your privacy and it's not something bad
rizukukiryuu : But secret is not always good...Right?
Rivelino Verse: it's good
Rivelino Verse: to protect yourself from other people
Rivelino Verse: it's good
Rivelino Verse: cause you're protecting yourself from others
rizukukiryuu: I hold too many secrets. And almost all of that isn't good...Maybe the darkest part of myself. Is it good to keep it/
rizukukiryuu: *?
Rivelino Verse: of course. secret is there to protect you from other people who don't know you
Rivelino Verse: that's why, you have to be careful to other people if you want to tell one of your secrets
rizukukiryuu: I can trust you...Right?
Rivelino Verse: you can. I'm not the one typical who like to tell people secret
Bener-bener gw speechless. Awalnya gw sama dia di awal conv nyante aja, terus ke tengah rada arguing, terakhirnya, dia bener-bener nge-comfort gw gitu. Dia ngebiarin gw nangis, dia ngebiarin gw numpahin semua emosi gw, meskipun yah ngga semua. Pokoknya bener, gw bener-bener nyaman numpahin semua emosi gw sama dia, meskipun yah gw tau gw gaboleh kayak gini.
Sekarang beralih ke drama
KEPALA GW PUYENG TADI DIPUTER-PUTER KAYAK BOLA ORZ.
MANA GERAKANNYA UUUUUUUUHH GW BISA MALU ADSJFLAKSJFDKLASJFA.
Jer, kenapa harus lu lawan main gw? Untung lu perannya bukan jadi Iblisnya orz.
Oke, I think that's all. Dadah~
~.~
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