.

I felt the urge to write and rambling in English, so yeah. Excuse me.

This is about the talk I had with my mum when she came back from taking my brother to his practicing place, my church. Well, she told me that my EX-mentor was looking for me, and he wanted me to join his small - err, what do you call it, gathering? But I dunno why, I spat and I simply shrugged at the statement.

I was once the part of that gathering. But I quit. Why? I simply said that I don't belong there. It roots back to at least two or three years ago. I won't give much details but to put long story short, I was the main character of that drama. When I left, the next day I was told that another person took my place - I don't even know, they don't even know me. When they performed, I nearly cried. I was supposed to be playing there. I was the one supposed on the stage. Riv knows the details.

I don't care if they mean it or not. It's just, I'm not going to give them second chance to use me and then dispose me like I'm a recyclable puppet. I don't care if they apologized. It doesn't change the fact that they used me. It doesn't change the fact that they make me cry. It doesn't change the fact that they have dismissed my trust on them, thinking that I am someone they can toy with. I don't care if this leads to the torn friendship between me and her. She chose them more as her "friends" rather than me. Don't mock me. I can stand on my own. There are so many people out there who cares for me than just a bunch of self-claimed more spiritual people than the rest of the people. 

Since the beginning, I never liked the girl that took my position. With this, I even came to hate her. 

Don't sympathize with me. I can stand on my own. I will care for people who care about me, and those who offend me, I won't give a damn.

 

~Let me be your illuminating shield...~